I often meditate. Many of you may also! You might call it quiet time. You might call it prayer. There are many things that I could mention about the benefits of this practice, but for now I want to discuss just one aspect of it. WHAT I have noticed is...
The mind chatters!
We have all experienced it. During quiet time, this chatter is much harder to take for granted, and normally, we DO take it for granted! But what about stressful times? Interestingly, the loudest chatter seems to be caused by stress although it also seems to be the least noticeable during these times!
Let's give some notice to it for a change!
One of the major modalities of this chatter is to look for and find REASONS WHY things occur! We commonly hear the lament "Everything happens for a REASON!" The quest for REASONS seems innocent, valuable and maybe even important.
Let's question this, for a moment! Just play along with me!
Is there really a REASON for everything that occurs? If we are honest, we know there is not! Any reason the mind may come up with is ultimately unsatisfactory. There is a reason for the reason and so on. The mind chatters endlessly until we begin to believe these REASONS make a difference!
For example, if I have a spouse that is abusive, I may feel that it might be useful to know the reason for the behavior. But really, knowing more about these reasons does nothing to address the abuse that I am experiencing! The question leaves me with an inclination to manipulate these reasons and change the spouses behavior instead of arranging my life so that I am no longer available for abuse. For example, the REASON my spouse is this way is because he is out of work, I just need to be nicer to him and he will feel better and stop the abuse!
The REASON question seeks to define a causality. This seeking ultimately fails because our perceptions and perspectives are naturally limited!
When we look honestly at our experience of REASON based questions, we must acknowledge several qualities. REASON, mostly offers a justification in the belief in our victim-hood! The REASONS are all based on what we experienced in the past and is therefore a backward looking process. Also consider this; The mind's chattering during the stressful time is not caused by the stress; it is usually the cause of the stress!
Consider, instead, the idea of PURPOSE. When we ponder an event, situation or idea in the context of PURPOSE, we naturally confront it from an altered perspective. The answers to Purpose questions are discovered in the moment, and therefore, can only be asked and answered by you regarding you! In other words, PURPOSE questions are about our own purposes; and if we are honest in our pondering, our answers can be powerful and bring us lasting peace!
Purpose questions seek to organize our relationship to people or events. And in that process, we must often create that relationship from nothing!
The example I mentioned offers several possible PURPOSE questions:
What is my Purpose for continuing in this abusive relationship? What, if any, higher good is being served by my staying? What, if any, ways can this good be served without the abuse? What does the situation say about my love for myself?
After I have left the situation, what was the Purpose of this experience in my life? What was there to learn about me? What value could my experience offer others that I know and love?
Questions of PURPOSE, in the context of Peace, are a forward looking and empowering process! PURPOSE will accommodate our most expansive possibilities and speak to that aspect of our nature that is unlimited. The answers created for PURPOSE questions often have the power to bring new meaning to the events in our lives!
The search for PURPOSE requires new habits of thought! The chatter of the mind supplies endless REASONS! So, how do we adjust our thoughts and allow lasting peace?
PRACTICE!
- Awareness: Notice when the mind chatters! This is a greater accomplishment than you may imagine!
- Forgive yourself for this chatter: Without forgiveness, your mind may chase its tail with questions like "What is the REASON my mind comes back to REASONS?" Just forgive yourself and move on!
- Return to thoughts of purpose:
- Refresh your intention by being around those who think this way too.
- Participate in activities (Books, Music, Art, etc.) that keep you on track.
- Tell your friends and loved ones to remind you when they notice your REASON thinking (Note: It is not about changing THEM. It IS about YOUR habits)
- Get a Coach
- Refresh your intention by being around those who think this way too.
I invite you to try this approach out for ONE WEEK and get back to me!
"...Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."
Desiderata
-- written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s --
